Wishing to Forget

adult alone backlit dark

I wish I could fall into a deep trance…

So, I could forget that day you stole my innocence; forget that deep throbbing pain penetrating my body, when you forced yourself onto me, threatening to tell my mother that I, just a child had begged for it!

I wish I could forget that the sun shines but not on me because you took away the brightness and I shall never see light again.

I wish I could forget the way you looked at me and licked your lips like I was fresh meat just removed from the skillet with all the juices flowing like a river of sweet honey. My mother pretended she didn’t see. How I hated you because you were her man and she believed every word you said. That night when you forced yourself on me putting your hand over my mouth so I couldn’t utter a sound telling me you wouldn’t hurt me. But you was her man and she thinking she in love, she did nothing to stop the abuse.

When I tried to tell her, she said “hush you mouth” and hissed her teeth now I wish I could forget she was my mom and how she sacrificed her child, how she bartered my flesh for her personal pleasures and now I’m here, I scarred for life.

Copyrights Roxann W. West

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State of Mind

woman holding brown leather wristlet

I opened the cover of my book

to a new chapter at which I looked, I spun the pages and there

though not clearly defined a script of my life outlined…

adult blur books close up

The direction to take puzzled me, yet words unfold in a language unknown

diverse voices shouting in my head a travesty of words said.

Copyrights Roxann W. West 2018

 

Our Father

man putting his shoulder around boy while his other hand is inside his pocket

A Father inscribed herewith in our hearts

our provider and protector

a Dad who is head of our family who is there for us in entirety

Dad we didn’t know you had sadness or even felt pain

because you embraced the hardship and gave us love everyday

as a father you love our mother unconditionally

showing respect to her continuously.

Dad you are our burden bearer you go the extra mile

and though you were rough at times

you have ways that are so gentle and kind

no one can ever take your place because you’ve raised the standard

so other fathers may emulate you and endeavor to be on par

standards you set so high but the principles to your sons you teach

the love we have for you will never cease; you are

forever our dad…

our father…

copyrights Roxann W. West 2018

Dearly Beloved

adult alone black and white blur

My dearly beloved…

why did you die leaving me at common law?

a dear friend with no entitlement

all the time I was your woman,

to have and hold I took care of you committing my life

and still I was not your dear Wife

your Widow with some prestige…

all this time you kept our relationship a secret

I was only a dear friend…a title that left with me some unease

when they come to take your body away

they ask for your wife…

I heard the Undertaker whisper

a man of your status should have a Wife

I had to swallow my pride and say I am; his Common law Wife.

My dearly beloved when your children came

they showed me no respect, because you had married their mother

in fact, they thought I was your Maid

so today when I came to show my last respect

my heart is broken…

I say goodbye to the love of my life

but to you…I was only a dear friend.

************************************

Copyrights Roxann W. West 2018

 

 

Insomnia

woman wearing black and pink coat leaning on wall

My mind is a tired old wanderer

it will travel for days

at nights when I’m ready to sleep

it goes roaming and pondering restlessly through the night

it travels hills and valleys searching, seeking, doubting

my mind took me out of sleep and left me in misery

I toss and turn I hope to tire, but my mind keeps wandering,

for a short moment I thought that sleep had come

but my mind wandered off again

I try to force shutdown to cancel programs running around

but my mind rebooted and keeps hounding me

my mind is a nomad running from place to place

a lost lonely girl jaywalking after her parents fell asleep

my mind is a ghost haunting me

with scary stories and sad memories

hoping to find relief and comfort

I finally took my medication

to rest my mind until it decides to go wandering again.

 

Copyright Roxann W. West 2018

 

 

 

 

Explore Me

photo of woman wearing yellow floral top

Open my mind open my heart

open my soul open my body

explore me

take time to find the true me

I’m not served on a platter for all to see

for jaws to drop and eyes to pop wide open

looking at my delicacy

I’m beautifully wrapped up

I’m my gift to you.

My true beauty lies beyond my face

it’s not on my lips, neither

at my hips

nor at the tip of my tongue

but beyond the sole of my feet.

Not in the palm of my hands nor on my skin

it is deep down in my pores flowing in my veins

through my bloodstream

explore me take time to find the true me.

Go beyond the feel of my skin., the smell of my hair

the warmth of my body, the intellect of my mind

the caress of my…

explore me

beyond the follicles of my hair

the scalp of my head

the medulla of my brain

explore me take time to find the true me.

Copyrights Roxann W. West 2018

Identification Parade

green wooden chair on white surface

An identification parade called,

so you could look into the face of truth

in a line up …

you feigned not to recognize truth

she stood right there

she stared into your eyes

you don’t know her

you were not sure

you said.

As names are called

they walked out in single file

truth, trust, loyalty and lies

into that room 10 x 10 its size

with its walls painted white

the room well lit and bright

illuminated with lucent light

number one… step forward

yet you slowly shook your head

you said “that’s not truth”

you were not sure.

We didn’t fathom you being a traitor!

after years of being a friend,

obviously beguiled and blinded by your docile dealings

a conflict of truth and lies

why come now searching for truth

don’t tell me you tried

when the truth is…

you lied.

 

Copyrights Roxann W. West 2018